I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
they call him Oral-B. enough said
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize