First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
