I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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