you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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