She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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