my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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