she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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