my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
