Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
youre lurking in front of me
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
