omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize