Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
