you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
