do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
