he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
