I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize