I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
