Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize