Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
lets start a swedish sibling band together
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
