you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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