Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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