Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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