She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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