I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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