My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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