I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
