I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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