This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize