I bet he comes in French.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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