i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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