the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
