this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
