god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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