I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize