i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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