I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
