Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
