Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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