"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
