Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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