I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize