you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
