Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize