i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
