im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
