If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
