ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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