Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
