do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
