a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
