drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
