My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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