So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
