Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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