he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
