Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
