dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
this just has baby written all over it
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
