i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
