Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
