$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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