so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
