I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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