I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We were destined to go to rehab together
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just want to make out with him forever
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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