Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
