Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
