You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
