I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
