They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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