Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
