he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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