Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
