I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
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